Saturday, December 19, 2015

News From Around



A mish mash of things today. Summer crept by secretly, while I was firmly embedded in work with a side of Vegas. So without further adieu...

1. Pride Goeth After the Fall: Imagine how delighted I was to go riding with my daughter. There is a horse at the barn where she rides that is quite safe and gentle, whose owner is unable to ride him as often as she would like. The Bean asked her if I could ride him, so we could go on a hack together. The answer was yes.

Can I help you...?
I groomed him lovingly, whispered sweet nothings in his ears, gave him a kiss on the nose when no one was looking. Once my daughter tacked up both our mounts, we walked over to the arena where there was a beautifully tall mounting block designed for folks like me with wonky knees and embarrassing mounting abilities. Up the three steps I climbed, placed my foot in the stirrup, swung my right leg over... and promptly found myself on the ground on the other side of Logan, him looking down at me, me looking up at him. I don't think I will need a bone density test for a few years now. I crawled back to the block, re-hauled myself up and this time landed on his back. I could swear Logan smiled, just a touch.

My Vegas winnings, like the hotel name....
2. Who Needs to Gamble to Lose Money in Vegas: Buffalo wings (best ones outside of Buffalo ever!), $9.99USD; deep fried dill pickles (don't knock them until you try them), $3.99 USD; two bloody Caesars, and two other mixed drinks (now, now, I am no lush, there were two of us) = total bill of $105 USD including tip and aforementioned shared food. Converted to CAD is about $1000 these days. But time spent with a good friend laughing about it, priceless! And they say money can't buy happiness...

"Now I know how humans do it in the bush."


3. How Bears Do It In The Woods: Went for a nice long walk, I did, while working in the Great White North. A gentle coating of snow across the ground, the air crisp and fresh. When suddenly it hit, the need for bladder relief while 3 kilometres from home. My steps became ever more so spritely, the knees appeared a little more knocked, until I professed to myself that I could go on no longer. Ensuring with a glance right and left that no cars were coming, I darted quickly into the bush, looking for that sweet spot where neither man nor beast could witness what was about to happen.  There were tall pines, or maybe they were spruce, short bushes, and all manners of other plant life that had lost their foliage for the winter. Gazing around, ensuring I was out of sight, I peeled down the drawers, and performed my best squat from India, using s short tree stump in front of me to anchor this wobbly body. And then, the mighty stump... pulled out of the ground, sending me backwards arse over tea kettle in the snow, me drawers still hooked around me ankles. In a rather valiant attempt to return to a vertical position, I grabbed what ever was beside me, what a struggle ensued, left my mark in the snow, and a butt print the size of Kansas. Peering around to make sure there was no amused rabbit or a laughing bear eyeing me from behind a tree, I delicately picked my way out of the bush, and returned home. And had to explain to a fellow nurse the next day why he was picking splinters out of my hand. Did not dare let him check me arse.....

4. Hair's the Thing: Amazing how shaving off two weeks' worth of arm pit and leg hair can make you feel 10 pounds lighter. Equally amazing is how the scale does not reflect this...

5. Unleaded, Please: Lead may protect Superman from Kryptonite, but a leaded xray film drawer does not protect my wrist from injury. Can you say "Ouch?' No...? An F-sharp suffices quite nicely.

Coo loo coo coo coo coo coo cooooo!