Thursday, January 26, 2012

Mississauga Musings

1. Loose Lips Sink Ships. Well, at least loose brains did. So now Captain Titanic can be heard saying "they made me do it." I quote loosely here, but that's the essence. Uh huh. Did they make you jump ship too? Oh we had gravity that nicely deposited you in a lifeboat. How about when you were ordered back to the ship to get a handle on things. No? What do you mean, no? I fly a fair amount, and I look to these pilots blindly as my protection. I simply have no choice. The pilot does not want to die, I tell myself each and every time I crawl onto one of those egg beaters. And you know what? In most of those plane crashes, the pilot dies. Each time a plane in the north falls out of the sky, I want to kiss the pilot I am with. I am safe, for now. Then there's the boat. I've been on a few cruises, Costa being one of them. It's not like the Captain is going to see the ground approaching him at a couple hundred miles an hour or more. The Captain isn't likely to die. Captain Titanic just extended his survival rate. And in the end, if someone told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it? So there he was, the master of thousands of fates. He bowed to pressure. With thousands of people who trusted him to do the right thing. Kudos to those who stayed behind and did just that. I just signed on for a cruise in March. Princess, not Costa. It is highly unlikely that something of this magnitude will happen again in the near future. Just in case, the girls had a very short discussion. Every woman for themselves. Unless a few of us lose weight first, all the better to push/pull/shove the other one over the rail.
But then again, would you want to save them?

2. Loose Lips Sink Ships 2. Did you see the picture of Joan Rivers? Going for her seven hundred and something plastics procedure, because she needs redecorating. Joan, from that picture of you with no make-up, there are a couple of things that come to mind, a) that you are being incredibly ripped off by your surgeon, and b) plaster of Paris would be cheaper. Just saying. The next time, you might find your eyebrows attached to the nape of your neck. Learn to love your wrinkles. Your surgeon already does.
3. Loose Lips Sink Ships 3. And Loosen Zippers. Oh Ashton, Ashton, Ashton. and now you've sunk Demi. You remind me of Captain Titanic. Nothing redeemable about you. Of course, Demi needs to get a life. Children only suit her when she's given birth to them.
4. Driving Under the Influence. Yes siree, that's our Pat Sajak and the lovely Vanna White, behind the Wheel of Fortune, blottoed on Margaritas. "P". "Aw right, hic, lessee where the "D" is, Vanna. Watch your shtep." "Pat, I said 'P,' please." "I heard you the firsht time. Vanna, there you go, shtand up, up, thats gooder, now find the "D." "Pat, I said 'P for 'Pissed,' not 'D' for 'Drunken Sot'. I'd rather solve the puzzle now, if you wouldn't mind getting off the floor now. 'Loose Lips Sink Ships.'" Wish I had a job like that. Off now for an Amsterdam good time. Salud!

1 comment: