Saturday, September 15, 2012

Last of the Arctic Summer

My time in the Arctic has finished. Just a few observations:
1. A fifteen year old girl and a 75 year old drunk can pack a mighty punch. Ask the Boys in Blue.
2. Our office manager said that because of the 24 hour daylight, our bodies automatically pack on the the weight in preparation for the winter, and that we HAVE NO CONTROL over it. Geez, I never realized I was preparing for hibernation. Time to stop blaming the cheese doodles.
3. A root canal does not qualify you for a 3 month sick note.
4. A baby's baby toe and a long hair do not mix. Took some anaesthetic, a scalpel and a doctor to fix that one. I was also told that this is fairly common among boys and their exclusive appendages. Um, ouch.
5. Timing is everything. Call at 11:50 AM. "I need to see the nurse." Me: "Can you come now? I'm at the clinic." Patient: "Okay, I will be over in a few minutes."
12:00 - No patient.
12:10 - No patient.
12:30- No patient.
12:35 - Call to patient: "I was just having a bite to eat."
5. You can't outrun an Arctic Hare. What you can do is acquire cuts and scrapes and bruises when you roll around on the tundra because you thought you could.
6. I am not a fisherman. Unless I fish for men. Because today I hooked two men, and I had to let them go. And another fishy this big.
7. I miss trees. I don't miss raking leaves, but I miss seeing them.
8. Pavement. My kingdom for some pavement. Dirt roads are fine. Gravel is not. I would come home and my skin would be red, I thought from over exposure to the Arctic sun. Heck no, it was the the Arctic road dust. And I won't get started about stones and pebbles underfoot and in your boots. It was. Extremely. Annoying.
9. CPR and 85 year old chests do not combine well. Living will, folks. The folks that found the patient had to start, and we had to finish. Fortunately, the patient was finished before anyone started.
10. Canadian North. The airline that actually feeds you. Should have a disclaimer on their website: "Canadian North. The Airline of the Arctic. We might get you there on time. Probably not." But as with everything, it is the north. And I know I wouldn't have it any other way.

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