Saturday, January 19, 2013

A Woman of the North

I now know where bears do it in the winter time, if they should wake up from their sleep, and drink a large Timmie's along the way.
Oh how careful I was, I hit the back-in bathroom on the airplane on the way to the Sardine Tin known as Thompson Airport, then again in the Sardine Tin once there. A third time in Timmie's while purchasing a large single cream for the 1-1/2 hour journey. Surely after the loss of so much fluid, my bladder and body could withstand that bumpy ride in the cold.
Such a pretty drive up here, lots of frozen lakes, partially iced rivers, and snow clad fir trees. And lots of bumps in the the road. About halfway to my destination with Cliff of Cliff's Taxi, one little bump started that familiar twinge of, "Oh no. Gotta go soon.." With each little bump, the twinge increased in intensity to, "Gotta go right now."
 But where do you go in northern Manitoba when the snow is up to your armpits if you step off the road? Well, Cliff had it all figured out. We proceeded to a straightaway where we could see the traffic coming and going for miles. He pulled to the side, and earnestly I asked "Where the hell am I going to go?"
To which he replied, "I'm gonna pop the trunk." Say what??
He popped the trunk to provide me with privacy. I nervously looked around to make sure there was no traffic or bears coming or going. Toilet paper in hand (I am always prepared), I faced the road behind the wide opened trunk, and shone a full moon on the road. Using the bumper for support, and still whipping my head around to make sure no vultures were circling, I squatted. Unknown to me at the time was that the road going forward was a wee bit downhill, ever so gentle, and I watched in horror as the tsunami made its way towards my boots. And I wasn't yet finished. With the bravado of a young boy, I was able to aim a little further up the road, and doing a two step that would do any Newfie proud, while still hanging onto the bumper, I avoided the high tide, which promptly froze hard into the surface of the road behind me, under the bumper, because it was that cold. I did not carry out the paper. It too had frozen into the surface of the road.
Me arse was cold for the rest of the journey. And now I can say, I am a true woman of the North.

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