Friday, May 11, 2012

A Little More From the North.

Red Green Special. What is it?
So here I sit in the sardine tin that is Timmins airport. At least they have beer, seeing as I was in a "dry" community for 6 weeks, at least for us.
I am amazed at the people I have worked with, from the front staff to my nursing buddies. I always manage to wedge myself in so that I feel like one of the team, but in Attawapiskat, they were the shoe horn that helped me fit.
I have discovered a new task I dislike. Toenail clipping. If your problem is that you can't reach them, but your nails are normal, then I am okay. However, if they are an inch past their due date where even an axe would have a hard time getting through that material, then I am not your girl. Had bits of toenail flying through the air with the greatest of ease, and some of it landing in my rat's nest of hair. I had the willies going to bed that night.
Until I saw one of those big black spiders that bite scurry underneath my door, into my room. Then the willies had the company of the heebie jeebies, and for yet another night, sleep eluded me. I had found one of the aforementioned arachnids in the recliner chair with me. He is now sitting in the septic system with the oatmeal that I had been soaking in the fridge.
I am convinced only dogs like oatmeal.
 I really thought this time I was going to learn to love my oatmeal. Ate it twice. Sent some with the spider, and gave the remainder of the dry stuff to one of the nurses who likes to feed the dogs. They eat anything. The dogs, not the nurses. Well, maybe the nurses too, depending on what it is.
One of my greatest displeasures with this job is doing PAP tests. Why? Because most of the women I see have something funky going on down there. It's enough to make me a born again virgin.
And I got news for you ladies out there. If your hubby started out with 10 condoms at the beginning of the week and you only have 4 left, but you only "did it" twice, once with a blue one and once with a yellow one (we're not that boring up here), and you now have an STD, well, you just don't need a phD to figure that one out.
Why do kids like sticking peas up their noses? Just wondering.
 Returning home to Toronto from Attawapiskat was like going to Florida from Toronto, in the winter. All right, Toronto didn't really have a winter this year, but those of us old enough remember those days know what I am talking about. And here I returned to green, green, green, with crabapple trees resplendent with sweet blossoms, and fields bursting with sunny dandelions. Now dandelions might not make your day, but after leaving mud and snow and grey, they are certainly a welcome sight.
Break up.
For my one week home, I have a myriad things to do. The dentist, whom I saw yesterday. While I have been proclaimed healthy mouthwise, it was not until after my gums were poked and prodded and made to feel like raw liver. Apparently I passed the bleed test. You passed my self control test. Where I wanted to sock you in the eye each time you stabbed that pointy thing in my gums. Fortunately for you, I knew my hand to your eye coordination would be off while you were sitting behind me.
The hair dresser made everything better. At least until I see the GP tomorrow and will likely be told I need to lose weight. Again. Then, a course on Friday and Saturday that I have taken before and have to update.  And the eye doctor on Monday, all the better to see what's lurking in throats, ears and, ick, cervices (cervixes?), with.

1 comment:

  1. Girl, those cervixes were my job for 11 years!! You are right about the funk....I do not miss it at all!! Nurses do have lots of odd jobs, huh??